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Problem 27: Cleaning out my locker

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The last day of school was always a difficult one for me. Amid the exchange of AIM screen names and promises to keep in touch over the summer, there was that daunting task: cleaning out my locker at the end of the day. In fifth grade, I found the remote control to the family TV that was missing since winter. In high school, I remembered...


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Problem 26: New Clothes

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So, I feel like I should start this blog with an update, or a confession rather. I still haven’t gotten rid of my skinny clothes. But listen, it’s on my to-do list. My ever-expanding, constantly-in-the-back-of-my-head to-do list. I write one every morning, now, and it’s helpful but I have noticed some items just get written out of habit, and not necessarily intention. I’m hopeful that...


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Problem 25: The Trail at Hand

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The tent of women next to me had been talking all night. Somehow, I fell asleep for about an hour, only to wake up to one of them saying, Shut up. But she wasn’t saying it to make her friend be quiet. No, she was just saying it as a statement of disbelief. To which her friend responded, No, you shut up! I checked my phone....


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Problem 24: The Voice In The Back

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A promo picture of my co-star and me, for our current Fringe show. * I was sitting at cafe by myself last week, when Lauren published her latest blog (which you should totally read, if you haven't already). And, per usual, it was amazing and I envied everything about her: the writing style, the confidence, but most obvious, her general Lauren Anderson-ness. What I wasn’t expecting, though,...


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Problem 23: Poutine

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Last night, I went to Red Cow in North Loop by myself. My plan was to sit down at the bar and write this blog, but the happy hour fates had other plans. I opened the menu to the back page, and in an almost aggressive manner, the word poutine threw itself towards my mouth-hole. For everyone reading at home that have never been touched by...


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Problem 22: The Comeback Theory

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The Biggest Loser was my second favorite show growing up (the first being Wheel of Fortune, but that’s because I’m a widowed grandmother trapped in a gay man’s body). Every week, my mother and I would sit and watch while we ate dinner, and then dessert, and then fistfuls of buttered popcorn. We would ogle at the spectacle, maybe in part wishing that one day,...


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Problem 20 & Solution 21: My Footwear and Being a Drag Queen

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A few weeks ago, I wrote the following paragraph for the blog, but decided to edit it out for the sake of clarity: My journey at Solcana thus far has had it’s peaks and valleys, but in classic Midwestern style, it’s better described as a never-ending expanse of rolling hills. Other than breaking my wrist a couple of years ago, I haven’t incurred any injuries...


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Problems 17, 18 & Solution 19: Taking Breaks, My Glass Door, and Starting a Streak

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A little disclaimer before I start this blog. For those of you that I regularly see at the gym: I know, my face has been missing from classes, open gym, and oly practice. And to be honest, part of me feels like a fraud for writing for Solcana, when I haven’t been around for the past couple weeks. In my mind, I was in Costa Rica...


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Problems 13 & 14: Letting Go and My Comfort Zone

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I’ve been having two recurring dreams lately, neither of which I would describe as pleasant. The first one is pretty much your run of the mill nightmare: it involves a packed city bus taking a turn too fast and toppling down a hill. The second one is more drawn out, and much more specific to my own anxiety. It’s taken place in different spaces, but the...


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Problems 11 & 12: Coping with Rejection and Losing Gracefully

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I had an audition last week, and I’ll admit, it was for something that I really wanted. (Spoiler alert: I didn’t get it.) It wasn’t just the rejection, though, that got me. It was the all-day process of finding out that I didn’t get called back. At the end of the audition, they told us that they would only contact those moving to the next round,...


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Problem 10: Adulting

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As the 11:30 class started last week, we circled up and Coach Hannah asked the go-around question. What type of email inbox person are you? I tried my best to stall while telling everyone my name and preferred gender pronouns, but finally, I had to admit that I thoroughly go through my email about twice a year. Which was totally a lie. Truthfully, I did it...


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Problems 5 & 6: Boys and New Year's Resolutions

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Problem 5: Boys Last spring, I was at practice for Solcana’s Olympic Weightlifting team, when I got a text message from my boyfriend. The team had just finished warming up, beginning our sets. I went to check my phone to see what weight to start with, when I read the words, I need to talk to you. I froze (which was ironic because the snow was finally...


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Problem 4: Food

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My journey with food has been a wrought one, and you don’t have to look farther than my mother’s cheese drawer (see Problem 2: Coming Home) to see why. Growing up, and honestly still today, my eating habits are led by my taste buds and brain’s pleasure center more than anything else. As a kid, I ate so much pineapple that my tongue burned from all of the citric...


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Problem 3: Clothes

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It all started with the dressing room, sometime around 6th or 7th grade, most likely in late August. My mother Jeannie and I were back-to-school shopping, and we grabbed all the same sizes that we did the year before: adult medium. (I was too mature for Gap Kids.) Stepping out of the dressing room, however, she identified the muffin top in the room and said, “Lift...


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Problem 2: Coming Home

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My sophomore year of college, just before our fall break, Professor Harris took the last few minutes of lecture to prepare the class. It wasn’t for an upcoming midterm or about required reading over the holiday. Instead, she talked to us about this concept, a question from writer Ella Winter, “Don’t you know you can’t go home again?” In part, she was preparing us for the...


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Introducing Spencer: 27 Problems

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By Spencer Retelle Problem 0: The Prologue I turned 27 this past spring. Which is to say, that I now pay rent on the 1st day of the month rather than the 5th, that I am reeling though my sudden adult-onset lactose intolerance, and that my mother still reminds me every fall that it’s not too late to apply to grad school. 27 has always been lucky token...


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