SEDUCED BY THE EX
By: Lauren Anderson
If any of you are like me, you have some exes in your past. People that you once loved, or thought you loved…or maybe it didn’t even get that far. (And face it, that’s probably why it had to end.) My point is, we all got history right?
And whether I am the breaker-upper, or the break-up-eee, I know that these separations are almost always painful. Even if it’s for the best. Even if it’s mutual. But obviously, some relationships are more painful than others.
And then there’s always that period of getting to know the “new me”. The me that exists without the other. Whether I like it or not, great changes occur. And eventually I find myself on the other side of the pain, knowing that I survived.
Some mystical combination of time and healing occurred while I was moving through my days, and suddenly I find myself happily living my life without them. And the ache I felt from missing them is gone.
That’s when I know I’ve moved on. That’s when I know I’m over it.
Or so I think…
This is how it goes, until I inevitably bump into the ex randomly, months later, and all those old familiar feelings start rushing back. Is that a new jacket? Did you get a hair cut? Suddenly that weird throat clearing thing they do right before they answer a question thoughtfully is no longer annoying, but endearing… Uh oh.
Maybe there’s a cup of coffee shared, maybe you decide to get a friendly lunch, maybe that lunch turns from friendly to really friendly and before you know it, you’re picking your clothes up off the floor of their new apartment.
Maybe even the breakup sex leads to a few days/weeks/months of getting back together. You think it’s going to be different somehow. You think magically, everything has changed. Until those endearing qualities go back to being annoying again. Before you know it you’re back to square one, separated, and trying to decide who gets the Beatles t-shirt that looks really good on you both.
No sense beating yourself up about it right? You just got seduced by the Ex.
Millions of people find themselves in this predicament every day. And I am no exception. But before you get too excited, I’m not about to divulge any juicy deets about my sex life with another human. Because the ex I’m talking about this time, is SUGAR.
For the past year, I have systemically changed how I eat sugar. I no longer casually or passively eat it, because when and if I choose to eat sugar— it’s now by choice. I love this new way of eating sugar. If you all have been following this blog, you know how much this has changed my life.
I’m happier, I have more energy, less mood swings, less bloated, less sleepy. The list goes on and on.
But just when I thought I was over it, I found myself walking down the street, minding my own business, when I decided to get some coffee. The closest place for this just happened to be one of the cutest doughnut shops I’ve ever seen. Even though I just wanted a cup of joe, something about the smell just brought everything rushing back. I was seduced.
I looked at the beautiful case, and I picked out two delicious classics, and I was on my way.
They tasted better than I remembered. With each bite, I could feel myself almost getting high. The rush, the comfort, the pure cane sugar flooded my system, and suddenly, I forgot everything I learned over the past year. I was hooked.
The next day at Target, while I was grocery shopping, I slipped a 4-pack of assorted doughnuts from the bakery isle into my cart. An isle that I had essentially not even gone down in the past year or so. I was almost sneaky about it too. Uh oh. This is not good.
Because if the past year of work has taught me anything, it’s that food is NOT BAD. Even stuff like doughnuts and chips and all that. It’s just food. And it is either is serving you or not. And yet, here I was, treating these treats like some naughty, secret thing. Like I was being so bad. This is what got me into trouble the last time.
Because feelings like these are the gateway. And I knew it was only a matter of time.
A few days later I walked into a gas station late one night and there they were. Sitting there, gleaming in the terrible florescent light. Those beautiful cheap-ass Super Mom’s old-fashioned glazed doughnuts. Something must have been in the air because before I knew it, me and that 6-pack of gas-stationed-glazed were back at my apartment, and all bets were off.
What happened next is not suitable for all viewers.
The next day I woke up, crumbs still on my face. The bottle of milk-to-go still open on the counter. The after-effects of temptation were scattered all around, but I didn’t care. Me and Sugar were back together. And it was going to be different this time. I SWEAR.
But it didn’t take long for the glaze to wear off, and the cracks to show. Before I knew it, I was lugging around a full-blown sugar habit again. Schlepping it with me from place to place like the bag of flour they give you during the baby unit in health class.
It started with doughnuts, but just like Homer Simpson, it didn’t stop there. It quickly became everything: pasta, cheese, King’s Hawaiian Bread, soda, the whole works. I went from monitoring my sugar intake, to just plain sugar intake.
It was only a matter of days before I found myself extra sleepy, bloated, cranky and over-reacting. My chin started to break out, and I was back to feeling gross in my body. Workouts got harder too! I had way, way less energy, and even less desire to even go to the gym at all.
And I’m not being hyperbolic here. For those of you that have done a sugar-cleanse, or the Essential You program at Solcana Wellness, you know the severe effects sugar can have on your body.
I didn’t like this feeling, and I knew what had to go.
At the gym working through another one-on-one session with Coach Jenn, she had me hauling these heavy bags from one end of the gym to the other. I felt like a bad-ass landscaper, hoisting the bag over my shoulder like that. Despite the difficulty of the workout, I had a lot of fun picturing myself carrying expensive Cedar mulch from my dirty truck to the cluster of trees by the new gazebo.
Coach Jenn urged me to just drop the bag over my shoulder when I was done. At first I couldn’t do it. What? You mean just drop it? I can’t do that! But then I did. And it felt great. Letting that heavy bag fall from my shoulder like that, all I could think about was sugar. I have to be done with this.
I need to tell it Boy Bye.
So that’s what I’ve decided. I’ve kicked my Ex to the curb yet again. And for the month of February, it’s back to no sugar for me. I’m going to re-do the reset challenge I did in my Essential You class, and it’s going to help me walk away from Ex. This time, hopefully for good.
Because even though there are things I’ll always love about my Ex, I know I can’t live with sugar day to day anymore. Does that mean I’ll never have sugar again? No. Nononononono. Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I will. But sparingly. And with intention. And without any secrets or shame.
Let’s just say, from time to time Sugar and I may have a friendly cup of coffee together out in public.
But I won’t be bringing it home.