That Time I Said “Dig Deep” In Earnest
By Lauren Anderson
I didn’t know that empty barbells were heavy even without weights added.
This was a surprise to me. That the bar/rod/pole thingy has a weight all by itself.
So when Coach Jenn told me to grab the “blue 35 pounder to start” I was looking for color and nothing else. I found the blue. Whoa. That’s 35 lbs all right. Like lifting a skinny tube-toddler. These things are no joke. Depending on how strong you are, the bar itself could give you a workout. I picked it up and proudly brought it to Coach like a puppy showing off a giant stick. A heavy stick.
You see, today was Weightlifting Day. My second official one-on-one sesh with Coach Jenn, and my first official time weightlifting EVER in my life. In regular CrossFit, every workout has a weightlifting portion, that I think has a fancy acronym. But like my Dad always says, “First A then B”. I actually have to try it before I concern myself with the flashy names.
We had just finished a warm-up that was deceivingly difficult with more air squats, (Remember those? Yeah, so does my butt.) and some lunges across the floor. Did I mention that I now HATE lunges? Oh, cause I do. If sit-ups are my true nemesis like The Joker is to Batman, then lunges are my Two-Face. A definite foe that started off good and quickly turned bad. But in my case, instead of a fire that burns half a body, the lunges turned evil about halfway across the gym floor.
I didn’t know I hated lunges. I didn’t even know I knew enough about Batman to reference it…
Coach Jenn says, “Today we’re gonna work on Dead Lifts”
Speaking of Batman villains, “Dead Lift” sounds like a perfect one. His schtick would be chucking heavy objects at you, forcing you to catch them unsupported and throw out your back… leaving Dead Lift free to ravage the city you swore an oath to, while you lay helpless in the street. But I’m getting off track…except now that’s all I can think about.
“Dead Lift sounds like a super villain.” I say to Coach Jenn.
“Yeah, except these are super FUN!” She replies. Did I mention I love her? Cause I do. I really do.
Coach starts me off with 50 lbs. It feels super light. I feel like I’m lifting nothing. I didn’t know 50 lbs could feel like nothing. I guess I didn’t know what I was expecting, but what a reframe! Fifty pounds sounds like a serious load, like the test you take to be a UPS driver. But in the context of weightlifting where you are expecting things to be heavy, 50 lbs is like a warm up. It really speaks to intention, I think. I mean, my backpack probably weighs that much on certain days. We quickly advance to 75 lbs.
Coach teaches me proper form. Keep my butt out, keep my chest up. She actually tells me to take off my Nikes (aka, my exercise shoes). This freaks me out a bit. I keep thinking about steel toe boots OSHA recommends for construction areas, where heavy metal objects are being moved. But Coach says I’ll get a better feel for the floor, and this will actually be safer because it will help me stay solid and not roll. It does. I relax my toes. I feel one with the floor. I take almost a mountain pose, and suddenly I’m feeling zen right before I lift. Yin and Yang baby.
I didn’t know weightlifting could center me in a similar way that yoga does. Weird. It’s like finding out the meanest-looking guy in the room is actually the kindest.
I also didn’t know I had a toe thing, but apparently I like my piggies protected. Even if it’s the thin layer of aerated neon canvas from my Nikes. Because according to kid logic, the covers on your bed are actually the best protection from monsters, so it stands to reason. But note to self: wear flatter footwear next time.
In a Dead Lift (the move, not the villain) you start with the barbell on the floor and glide it up your legs, keeping your arms straight. You stop when you get to standing, and the barbell hits your belly, er, abdomen. Then return it to the floor quickly. Grunting is optional. Well, I should be more clear. Grunting is optional for you maybe. But for me, I quickly found out that I couldn’t NOT grunt. Uh oh.
Damn! I didn’t know I was a grunter! Embarrassing! Am I that douche at the gym that grunts too loud so everyone knows how hard he’s hitting it? Coach Jenn assures me that grunts are good when they’re authentic. So I let it out. It felt right. Like I earned it. I decide in that moment to just own it. But I did put myself on Grunt-Watch, for when I join a proper class.
Coach has me do some reps, but is convinced I’m not pumping at my pay-grade. She ups my weight to 95 lbs total. I am suddenly nervous. 95 pounds? That’s like lifting an entire Nicole Richie. I do it. It’s heavy, but its not too heavy. Truth be told, I feel like I could’ve even done a little more. I finish my reps and Coach Jenn high fives me. She seems impressed. I am smiling.
I didn’t know that I could dead-lift 95 pounds my first time out of the gate. I also didn’t know how good that could feel. It was like I discovered I was an Earth Bender or something. As we break down the weights and put them away, I notice how light the empty blue barbell feels now. Talk about a reframe! What once was seemed so heavy, now feels like nothing. I am feeling so grounded and strong, like a renegade gladiator. I let myself slip quickly into one of my favorite daydreams. Imagine if you will:
Me and a handsome man of my choosing (this could swing anywhere from a Joe Manganiello type to Sam Rockwell to Terry Crews depending on the day) are kayaking. We’re laughing and paddling and wearing cargo. We suddenly hit rocky waters. His kayak tips! His head hits a rock and he’s rendered unconscious. I jump out of my kayak and swim to him, and haul him to safety. When we get to the shore I pause… can I do this? But by pure strength of our super-requited love, I hoist him fire-man-style on my shoulders and carry him to safety. When he comes to, he’s all, “Baby, I never knew you were so strong. That is so hot.” And I’m like, “Hell yeah.” And then we smooch. It’s EPIC.
See what I mean? Good right? You can see why it’s one of my favorites. (It’s right up there with the daydream where I get into a bucket drum battle with some kids on the street, and I school them.) But after weightlifting for my first time, I’m thinking, “Could I get so strong my daydream badassery becomes a reality?” I mean, if I can lift 95 lbs on my first try, maybe lifting Terry Crews’ beefy body out of the water is not such a long shot. That idea is so hot, I wanna smooch myself!
Coach Jenn pops my daydream bubble with instructions for the rest of the session. It’s the cardio part. Again, this portion has a name that I haven’t learned yet. Something like Ciabatta? Tabogin? A series of things with timed rests in between. We’re doing a mix of push-ups, sit-ups (The Joker strikes!) and more stupid lunges (Damn you Two Face!). I start off in a fury. I’m still feeling like a renegade gladiator. But I’m noticing my body tires WAY quicker than it did last week. (Read more about Tabata here)
In fact, I didn’t know my body could feel so heavy. Weightlifting must’ve zapped my energy. At the last rep of push-ups on the box, I can feel my arms wobble. For the first time, I’m not so sure I can finish. But then something stirs in me. I think of saving beautiful men from the river, and Dead Lift potentially wreaking havoc over Gotham, and how good it feels to be strong, and before I know it I grunt-speak, “C’mon Anderson Dig Deep!” in earnest.
C’mon. Anderson. Dig. Deep. It was not a joke, it was not ironic, it was real. A real out-loud call to action from my inner Jack LaLanne. Uttered from my mouth to power me through the last of my reps, and I couldn’t help but laugh. I didn’t know I had that in me. Any of it. I was as surprised by the sincere self-encouragement I thought was reserved for silly gym-types as I was by the grunting.
There are so many things I didn’t know about myself that I discovered in this one-hour weightlifting experience. I didn’t know I thought strength was so attractive. Not just in others, but also in myself. I didn’t know the incredible sense of being grounded you feel after you lift. I didn’t know that I was an accidental grunter, who needs her toes covered, that could dead lift 95 lbs, while simultaneously daydreaming about Batman and Kayaks. I didn’t know I could say “Dig Deep” and mean it. Like really mean it. Because before I tried weightlifting I didn’t know I had that kind of “Deep” that I could even “Dig” to.
Turns out, when it comes to weight-lifting, I didn’t even know what I didn’t even know.
And now that I know some of it, I want to know more. It’s time to…(say it with me)…DIG DEEP.