Solcana blog

I am not sure how to start this week’s entry, so I’ll just dive right in.

It’s been a doozy of a few weeks. I hit a rough spot. A breaking point, if you will. And, well, I actually…broke. Some of you saw it unravel on Facebook in the only way I knew how to ask for help – generically.

This time of year is killer on mental health for a multitude of reasons – families, finances, longer work days, less sleep, shitty food, too many booze drinks, breakups, makeups, small talk, the list goes on and on and on. Not to mention, we haven’t seen the sun in FOREVER. Ugh. I’ve talked about my depression battles in this blog before, where I made mention to my every day struggles: some days are good and some days are bad.

Last week Thursday was exceptionally bad.

A probable result of the weeks and weeks and weeks of me trying to keep it together unsuccessfully, I suffered a temporary mental breakdown, commonly understood to occur when life’s demands become physically and emotionally overwhelming. I don’t know what to say, guys. It’s the truth. I actually don’t have it together all of the time. You probably already knew that, though, and it was just me that needed to realize that is a normal thing. I’m getting there, thankfully, since I am fortunate enough to have wonderful, dear friends who recognized the signs of my struggle and came to my aid and got me the help I needed to go faster than I could blink last week.

I’m telling you this for a few reasons. For one, I like to be transparent. For two, I have to finish my Christmas Cat poem for Mary Mack’s Northstar Comedy Hour & Meat Raffle: Holiday Edition tonight at the Comedy Corner Underground and I can’t do that without getting this shiz off my chest (I am still a comedian, thank you for allowing the shameless plug). The past few days have harbored a lot of tough conversations with a myriad of people, covering a lot of ground. Through it all, I have to tell you that there was one statement I heard from practically everyone – personally and professionally – and that was this:

“I am so glad you have had Solcana CrossFit. Can you imagine what this would feel like without it?”

No. I cannot, actually. And I will not.

If I learned anything from Love Actually, it’s that at Christmas you tell the truth…so I will say this: this was a scary situation. For some reason, this time, I was able to ask for help. I’m not a betting gal, but if I was I’d be willing to bet it is a result of the physical health Solcana has help me reach as well as the community I’ve been accepted into – both inside and outside the gym. I have felt the impact of genuinely knowing I have people on my side. As someone who has struggled with self worth and value for a lifetime, this is an invaluable morsel of knowledge to gain. And, in doing so, I credit my gym homies with helping me realize it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. We see it all the time at the gym – with spotting in weightlifting, carrying each other in partner workouts, and even just cheering each other on in a ridiculously long metcon. These lessons are priceless to learn, even as an adult.

My very favorite comic, Maria Bamford, has been able to talk about her mental health struggles brilliantly through her comedy and I think this clip sums up perfectly what I’m trying to say here: it’s easy to forget how bad things can get until they get bad again. Any sort of support group is great. Everything helps. Talking about it helps me, and I thank you for letting me have an avenue to do that here.

Depression is always going to be a part of my life. The holidays will probably always stress me out. There are going to be good times, and there will probably be difficult times. It’s nice to know that when things get tough, I’ve got a safe place I can go that is filled with the most lovely, healthy, supportive people that help me lift heavy stuff, release healthy endorphins, and clear my head.

It’s a learning process and a constant struggle, and it’s important to realize the benefit of exercise in managing mental health. I am a walking, talking result of this! It might not always be enough, but it will definitely always help. Even the Mayo Clinic says so.

It’s a tough world out there and we’re all we’ve got. Let’s continue taking care of each other as we put 2014 to bed and bring on 2015. It’s gonna be a good year, I can feel it.